


Promising Him the Moon

by UppityBitch



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13167567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UppityBitch/pseuds/UppityBitch
Summary: In this AU story, Klaus is looking for the moonstone in Mystic Falls when he comes across sassy witch Caroline. When she casts a spell for him, he learns he may have greatly overestimated his wooing capabilities...





	Promising Him the Moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [venomandchampagne (sushibunny)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushibunny/gifts).



> This gift is for the amazing venomandchampagne/sushibunny! You mentioned you enjoyed magic gone awry situations/general silliness — especially if it has amusing consequences. I hope you like the magical shenanigans in this story. :)

_An oozing, festering, potentially disfiguring pox on this Yelp reviewer_ , Caroline thought to herself, her foul mood worsening as she realized that the disgruntled customer was the same one she kicked out of her store just the other day for having the balls to argue with her about the return policy. He’d been a fussy little vampire, not even two centuries old, and far too invested in his ridiculously coiffed mane.

            He had purchased their best-selling organic peppermint-ginger hair wax and then proceeded to try to return it the next day despite the fact that half of the jar had been used, and as she cast a critical eye at his crunchified locks, it appeared that it had all gone onto his oversized head in one gloppy application. She’d denied his ludicrous request and sent him on his way, amused by his drama-queen threat about how he was going home to journal about this grave injustice immediately. _Vampires_ , she inwardly sighed, _such flighty creatures_.

            She and her friend Bonnie owned Witchy Women, a boutique that sold wonderfully fragrant body care products. Their store had been successful from the moment they opened the doors... _almost like magic_. She grinned at that thought — while she and Bonnie may have used _some_ of their magical influence to get their fledgling business off the ground, it turns out that one should never underestimate the humans’ inexplicable desire for organic, delicious-smelling body care products.

            Bonnie interrupted her thoughts as she set down a small crate of glass jars on the counter, announcing, “These need to be relabeled. I know we agreed to a .5% increase, but word’s getting out and it’s our fastest-selling product, so I say we take advantage and bump up the price by 2% and see what happens.”

            She nodded, quickly calculating profit margins while weighing potential risks. “Agreed. We can always do a buy one, get one sale if we cast a foreshadowing spell to detect any future backlash.”

            “My, my, aren’t you a sly little minx,” an accented voice purred in amusement. Caroline looked up in surprise, her blue eyes widening as she took in a devilishly handsome face and a smirk framed by deceptively innocent-looking dimples. The power she could feel radiating off of him was enough to put her on her guard. _Vampire_. An old one by the feel of it; possibly even an Original. He reached into the crate, pulling out one of the jars of body cream, casting a critical eye at it before asking skeptically, “And this little container of lotion you’ve called, ‘Your Favorite Dessert’ is causing all the fuss among your customers? Forgive me, sweetheart, but I just don’t see the appeal.”

            Bonnie huffed in annoyance, her green eyes flashing dangerously, but Caroline lay a placating hand on her arm. Arching an eyebrow, she said in a challenging voice, “Open the lid.”

            Shrugging his shoulders, the stranger unscrewed the lid, taking an experimental whiff that rapidly became a deep inhale as his whole body seemed to involuntarily shudder. The steel in his gray eyes softened, making him seem almost human. “Never in all my years...” he confessed shakily, “I swear that infernal concoction smells just like blod kaker. It’s a cake filled with apples baked in honey. We ate it during Haustblót, our autumn harvest.” He cocked his head to the side, hand still clutching the jar as he asked, “Tell me love, however did you achieve such a marvelous thing?”

            She and Bonnie exchanged mischievous smiles, immensely pleased with themselves. “It’s created with a modified faded memory spell laced with an olfactory enhancer charm,” Caroline explained as Bonnie pulled out their signature purple bag with silver stars and began loading it with the group of jars he hastily began stacking on the counter.

            “Ingenious,” he intoned with quiet awe threading through his voice. He fixed Caroline with seductive look as he inquired, “And what does dessert smell like to you?”

            She giggled happily as she answered, “Lemon pudding. As a child, I would stuff myself silly with it.”

            “Still do,” Bonnie stage-whispered, elbowing her in the side good-naturedly as she finished ringing up the stranger’s transaction.

            Leaning over the counter to study Caroline more closely, he said, “I must confess I had an entirely different reason for seeking out your shop, love.”

            “You sure about that, Dimples? Because there’s _no way_ those curls are _that_ on-point-tousled without wielding some major product know-how,” Bonnie observed wryly.

            He stiffened slightly, but cast his most charming smile at them both before directing his gaze back at Caroline. In a flirtatious voice, he said, “Is your tongue as sharp as your friend’s, Caroline?” Noting the wary surprise on the women’s faces as they realized he knew who they were, he explained, “I may have asked around about Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bennett, the sassy little shop owners in Mystic Falls. Your reputation as powerful witches is spoken of only in hushed whispers within the supernatural world — were you aware? I say, I’m quite impressed by your lengthy resume. And I’m not easily impressed.” He gave a short bow, his lips softly grazing Caroline’s knuckles before she even realized that he had grasped her hand in his. “I’m Klaus Mikaelson.”

            Tugging her hand away, Caroline kept an edge to her tone even as she smiled and said, “We look after our own. And we stay out of vampire business unless provoked. As an Original, though, I hear _provoking_ is your middle name. So, what trouble have you brought to our doorstep?”

            “You’ve heard of me,” he said in a delighted tone, lips curling into his signature smirk.

            Caroline rolled her eyes, exchanging a knowing glance with Bonnie. “We figured you had to show up here sometime. Mystic Falls is a supernatural hotspot that attracts all kinds of terrifying, dark energy. For example, several Hallmark movies were filmed here.”

            Bonnie playfully smacked her shoulder, “Bitch, please, like your weeping white ass wasn’t parked on my couch last weekend marathoning the _Good Witch_ movies.”

            At Klaus’ chuckle, Caroline scowled, pointing a finger at her friend as she accused, “I can’t _believe_ you just violated rule number two of the friendship pact: Thou shalt not divulge TV habits. It’s almost as crucial as rule number one!”

            “What’s rule number one,” Klaus asked in a curious tone, clearly enjoying the women’s playful dynamic that spoke of many years rooted in friendship.

            The women replied in perfect harmony, “Thou shalt not dessert shame.”

            Caroline allowed the group’s brief laughter to fade before crossing her arms in front of her, peering at Klaus critically as she inquired, “So, back to my question — what trouble did you bring to us, Klaus?”

            “No trouble, love. Just a simple request,” he claimed, gray eyes twinkling. “My sources have tracked the moonstone to your sleepy little town. I believe Katerina Petrova compelled someone to hide it. I request a powerful locator spell to break whatever barriers are preventing the moonstone from being found.”

            “What’s in it for us,” Bonnie asked him suspiciously.

            Before he could answer, Caroline said sharply, “Bonnie! Let’s not be hasty. After all, a favor owed by an Original could prove quite invaluable later on,” she suggested with a sly wink at Klaus, “I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement.”

            “Of course, love,” he readily agreed, eyes alight with mischief, “Perhaps we could start by you accompanying me to dinner this evening?”

            _Nothing that dangerous should be that charming_ , she thought to herself. With an enigmatic smile, Caroline responded with, “How about we discuss it after the spell is concluded...if you’re still interested. After all, we strive for complete customer satisfaction here at Witchy Women.”

            “Then I look forward to my satisfaction being _complete_ , sweetheart,” he flirted with her as she and Bonnie started piling spell ingredients on the counter, from clay mixing bowls to tied bundles of dried bloodroot and feverfew. Caroline glanced over Klaus’ shoulder at the open sign on their door, willing it to flip over to read ‘closed’ as the deadbolt slid back into place. She opened a black velvet bag for Bonnie to reach into, pulling out a handful of gleaming bone tiles carved with various symbols.

            The women chanted lowly over the tiles before scattering them across the polished counter, the tray of white candles behind them suddenly aflame as the spell began. Crumbling the bundles of bloodroot and feverfew into one of the clay bowls, Caroline added several drops of a smoke-colored oil from a tall glass jar.

            A confused expression spread across Klaus’ face as he watched the women come to a stop and look at each other while wearing twin grimaces. They raised their fists and began what appeared to be a quick game of rock-paper-scissors. When Caroline’s ‘rock’ lost to Bonnie’s ‘paper’, she whined, “Seriously? How about best two out of three?”

            Cackling, Bonnie shook her head, “Nope — you lose, you bleed, Blondie — those are the rules.”

            “Fine,” Caroline huffed, blowing a messy blond strand out of her face as she held out her open palm over the bowl. _Ugh, I hate this part_. Bonnie made a shallow cut, Caroline wincing slightly before closing her fist to encourage her blood to flow on top of the spell ingredients. With a final round of chanting, the women seemed pleased as a thin layer of smoke rose into the air, hovering almost quizzically for a moment before dissipating as quickly as it appeared.

            With a bright smile, Caroline nodded at the Original. “It’s done.”

            “And I’ll be able to find the moonstone now,” Klaus asked eagerly, standing up a bit straighter and causing his dark henley to stretch across his well-defined chest.

            _Stop eyeing the sexy sociopath like he is a gooey, delicious pizza. You do not need the chaos his spicy pepperoni will bring_. Handing him his purchases from earlier, Caroline answered confidently, “I promise that whomever you speak with on this matter will now feel compelled to show you their moonstone.”

            “Well done, love. I will return later to see if you’ve changed your mind about dinner,” Klaus replied, kissing her knuckles once more as he left the store with a sexy smirk.

            Caroline laughed delightedly, calling after him, “Oh, I’m counting on it, Klaus!” As soon as the brass bell over their door sounded, the women dissolved into a fit of giggles, their cackles carrying on for a bit even as they cleaned up the remnants of their complicated spell work.

            “Let’s see how Klaus is doing on his quest,” Bonnie suggested, pulling Caroline to stand in front of a colorful framed poster that advertised one of their favorite retired fragrances, Qetsiyah. It possessed all the components for a compelling, enigmatic scent, but unfortunately became too needlessly complex for their customers. Despite its marketing failure, they kept the poster as a reminder that not all ideas required an elaborate structure to succeed. _Plus, they turned it into a scrying portal_ , Caroline thought, watching the vibrant colors swirl hypnotically before their eyes. As the colors settled and shapes reformed, Caroline couldn’t help the little sigh of contentment that escaped her as she gazed upon Klaus’ impossibly perfect bone structure.

            “Really, Caroline? Did you learn nothing from when you were with Ivan,” her friend asked with a hint of judgment in her tone.

            Caroline rolled her eyes. “Whatever. He wasn’t _that_ terrible. Historians can be so dramatic.” Her blue eyes glittered as she added, “And like you’re one to judge, Borgia-banger.”

            Bonnie pushed her playfully. “Pfft — there weren’t _that_ many Borgias.”

            “Seriously? Because I seem to recall you treating their family tree like your personal to-do list,” Caroline giggled, returning her gaze back to Klaus to watch with interest as he approached his first target. “Oooh — Tyler Lockwood — good choice, Klaus.”

            The women gleefully watched as Klaus and Tyler exchanged bland pleasantries before Klaus set about compelling the unsuspecting man to show him the moonstone. To Klaus’ credit, he employed the perfect balance of lilting, commanding tone with a seductive, hypnotic stare. His lips curled into his signature smirk as Tyler nodded excitedly, but then he turned around, unbuckling his belt. Extreme confusion marred the Original’s face as Tyler pushed down his jeans and boxers, bending over to inexplicably display pale buttocks. Klaus was so stunned by what he witnessed that he allowed Tyler to quietly walk away without further comment.  

            “You know, I figured that with Tyler’s werewolf side, his _moon_ would’ve been hairier,” Caroline commented dryly.

            Shrugging, Bonnie answered, “Probably only when it’s a _full_ moon.” They watched Klaus shake his head, clearly trying to rid himself of the image of Tyler’s impromptu mooning, his confusion evident as he stared at his retreating form.

            Laughing at Klaus’ bewildered expression, Caroline asked, “Do you think he’s sufficiently distracted?”

            “Definitely. It’s time,” Bonnie responded, waving her hand to clear the scrying portal. Gathering a few supplies, the women quietly slipped out of their store, anxious to fulfill a promise they made to a friend long ago.

* * *

 

            Caroline forcefully blew away a thick layer of dust from the top of the coffin. Sneezing as the particles flew into the air, she motioned for Bonnie to help her crack open the ornate silver locks. As the brittle metal pieces gave way under a squeaky groan of protest, Caroline panted, “You’d think that carting around these coffins would make Klaus more paranoid about security. But nope — here they are, inside a moving truck he foolishly double-parked down the road from our shop.”

            Bonnie wiped her sweaty brow, adding resentfully, “I’m casting a spell to speed up the time left on his parking meter too — that bastard deserves it for putting these ridiculous reinforced locks on here. I’m going to need to conjure twice the usual number of sexy masseuses when I get home tonight.”

            Leaning over the open coffin, Caroline removed a thin, razor-sharp silver dagger from the desiccated corpse. “You owe us $20, loser,” she announced with a teasing grin, while Bonnie tossed in a couple of blood bags.

* * *

 

            “And that’s why David Bowie is our favorite reincarnated deity,” Caroline explained, adding another handful of fresh blackberries to the pitcher of mojitos.

            Kol Mikaelson drained his highball glass, rattling the ice around impatiently until Caroline refilled it to the brim once more. Appearing deep in thought as he absorbed the thorough pop culture history lesson Bonnie and Caroline had given him, he finally nodded, “Okay, that makes sense. Now, can you kindly go over your theory again about how the Kardashians are Gorgons?”

            “Well,” Bonnie began, “as you know, it’s derived from the ancient Greek word, gorgós, which means ‘dreadful’, and once you see their soul-blackening reality show, you’ll definitely agree that —”

            An incensed Klaus suddenly burst into their shop, rudely cutting off her explanation as he shouted, “What the bloody hell do you think you’re playing at, sending me on that pointless search?!”

            With a wicked gleam in her blue eyes, Caroline asked in a tone of mock innocence, “Out of curiosity, how many times were you mooned before you realized something might be amiss with the spell you requested?”

            Growling, he answered, “After Tyler Lockwood, I had to compel both Jeremy Gilbert and Alaric Saltzman to pull their pants back up.” He grumbled resentfully, “Stubborn gits.”

            At the hilariously awkward images his angry words caused, Bonnie, Caroline and Kol burst into laughter, doubling over as they wiped the tears from their eyes. “That’s bloody brilliant,” Kol exclaimed, toasting Klaus with his cocktail, “You know, I helped Caroline and Bonnie invent that spell, brother.”

            “Kol,” Klaus shook his head, as though only just realizing his brother was there, “You should be daggered — what betrayal is this?!”

            _No one should look that attractive while angry_. Trying to ignore the strong line of his clenched jaw, she tossed her blonde curls behind her with an irritated huff, “Will you relax? Also, I gave you fair warning that we look after our own.” She shared a fond glance with Kol, clinking their rims together before sipping their drinks.

            Klaus’ tone reflected a curious bit of jealousy that made Caroline’s breath hitch as he retorted, “And you consider my brother one of _your own_ , love?”

            “Eww,” Bonnie said, wrinkling her nose as she shoved a blackberry mojito into the angry Original’s hand, “not like _that_. We’ve been friends with Kol for ages. We helped him out when that clingy czarina set her sights on him. Talk about false advertising — someone with ‘the great’ tacked onto the end of their name shouldn’t be riddled with that many insecurities.”

            With an impish grin, Kol answered, “Don’t act like you two birds were the only ones doing the saving. Or, did you forget the time you managed to incite a riot in Paris that tipped off the bloody revolution because a soldier got a bit handsy with you in the marketplace? Bloody hell, nearly wore myself out with all the compelling I had to do that day.”

            Shrugging, Caroline said, “It’s not our fault that happened — if a royal fortress can be so easily dismantled by a handful of angry peasants with pitchforks and a few muskets, I say it deserved to fall.”

            Seeming to temporarily forget his anger for a moment, Klaus gestured to the trio with his glass, “So, you decided to distract me with a farcical errand while you rescued my brother.”

            Caroline rolled her eyes before smacking Kol on top of his head, saying, “That reminds me — you owe us $20. Pay up.”

            “With what, darling?” Kol reached into his pockets, turning them out as he added, “You’ll just have to be patient while Nik sets me up with one of those bingo cards so I can access an ATV.”

            At Klaus’ questioning eyebrow, Bonnie explained helpfully, “It was a somewhat hasty crash course in history that we gave him.”

            Nodding in understanding, Klaus inquired, “What exactly was the nature of your wager with my brother?”

            “In 1903, we bet Kol $20 that we could influence modern transportation more than he could,” Caroline explained, adding defensively, “$20 was a lot of money back then,” when she noticed Klaus’ condescending smirk.

            Bonnie playfully ruffled Kol’s chestnut locks, gleefully revealing, “So Caroline and I may have _influenced_ this Henry guy that used to do our gardening to draw some blueprints for a horseless carriage.”

            “And I tracked down my old gambling buddy, Will Harley, and convinced him that bicycles should probably go faster,” Kol added, stubbornly crossing his arms in front of his chest as he added petulantly, “And just because I haven’t seen any steam-powered bicycles flitting about here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea.”

            Catching Caroline’s eye and giving her a roguish wink while Kol was distracted by his drink, Klaus said with a false tone of commiseration, “Unfortunately, brother, I doubt anyone today has ever heard the name ‘Harley’. Truth be told, I don’t believe he ever got his business off the ground. But your idea of making bicycles go faster is an interesting one, nonetheless.”   

            Klaus pulled out a barstool behind the counter, appearing more at ease than he did when he first stormed into their shop, and Caroline was feeling optimistic. He quietly studied his brother, lips curling into a knowing grin as he asked, “You’ve had the moonstone tucked away since before I daggered you, haven’t you, brother?”

            “Don’t be daft, brother. Of course I have,” Kol answered with a cheeky grin. His normally boyish face grew serious as he warned, “And I’ll only part with it if we can come to an understanding about those little ‘cat naps’ you’re fond of forcing me to take over the years.”

            Bonnie’s voice took on a hard edge as she stood protectively beside Kol and told Klaus, “No more daggering Kol and we’ll hand over the moonstone.”

            “And we’ll help you locate your other spell ingredients and perform the ritual,” Caroline added, standing on the other side of Kol in solidarity with her friends.

            Klaus calmly took in the trio’s united front, a flicker of respect registering on his handsome face. “I believe we can reach an accord, brother,” he said with a smile before turning his attention to Caroline once more. Leaning across the counter toward her he smirked, “I’d also be most interested in learning what it takes for you to consider me one of _your own_ , sweetheart.”

            With a flirtatious wink, Caroline took him by surprise when she laced her fingers with his, pulling him toward the door as she answered, “Well, you can start with buying me dinner.”


End file.
